| 6 tips for gamers to not get their asses broken up with |
[Mar. 18th, 2008|01:25 pm] |
I've seen many online guffaws and knowing smirks after these two articles were posted, one in response to the other:
Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse
Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage To A Gamer
I know, they're funny. Especially the first one. However, the people laughing are having a hard time grasping a simple logical concept: If people are devoting this much thought to the problem, maybe there really is a problem. Speaking as a reformed MMORPG addict, I can safely say that yeah, guys, you really are probably the problem. So because it's slow at work, I've composed my own little list of pointers. Feel free to add as you see fit.
6) MMORPGs really are sort of retarded.
Oh yeah, I said it. One of the response to the first article was along the lines of, "I've come to the conclusion that MMORPGs are more like drugs than a hobby. You spend all your time pouring overwhelming effort into tedious, repetitive tasks for which you are given miniscule rewards." It's true, people. You could be doing anything else with your life but instead you're sticking your character next to a lake and watching him fish, aren't you? There's a morbid humor to wanting your character to have expert fishing status, I will admit, but remember: You could be doing ANYTHING ELSE.
5) You probably do have a problem. Don't bother denying it.
Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. I used to play WoW and CoH all the time. Then I wouldn't even consider the idea that I had a problem with tearing myself away from the computer, but you know what? I did! I had a terrible problem with it and it almost certainly contributed to the disintegration of my relationship while I was hooked on it. I know how attractive the persecution complex is and how easy it is to shove off the blame on the person doing the complaining. However, floating possibilities like "Maybe it's just you" or "Stop whining" are proper responses to somebody's desperate attempt to make your relationship work is not only just a redirection of blame, it's actually pretty heartless.
Look at it this way: How do you think the other person is going to feel if they're sitting on the couch reading when they'd wanted to, I dunno, have dinner or, god forbid, have sex with you and you're sitting at your computer screaming your lungs out at your monitor? This is a problem with two things: priorities and responsibility. Really consider the possibility that yes, your relationship is in peril because you keep spending all your time chasing gnomes around with axes. There may be some leeway for you if you already were gaming when you got into a new relationship, but no matter what, it's just common sense that if you are in a relationship with someone, they should have some kind of priority.
Murlocs may be cute and make funny noises, but they are not a priority.
4) Under no circumstances are you to allow your significant other to dress up like a game character in order to entice you.
Imagine the kind of shame and emotional trauma that must come along with feeling, out of desperation, that you need to dress up like a night elf in order to have sex with your partner. I'm not talking bedroom roleplaying as a whole, even specifically cosplaying; I think cosplaying is absolutely retarded and can't believe people waste their time and money on trying to simulate imaginary characters on days aside from Halloween, but I also can't believe people think David Lynch is a good director, so there's lots of room for argument. However, if it's not already an established sexual practice for you two, chances are you're putting your partner through a fairly serious identity crisis, whether you encouraged it outright or not. You don't get a pass by saying, "But I never asked him/her to do it, she just did it!" What led up to that point?
Oh yeah. You ignoring him or her in order to play with fantasy elves.
3) Don't pretend what you're doing is important.
Cuz it ain't. Princess Persecuted Gamer made the point that all hobbies are essentially wastes of time, but the way she put it indicated that people who are dating gamers have no right to be pissed off that their relationship is being ruined by a hobby because their hobbies are likewise pointless. The correct thing to do is for both of you to realize that your hobbies are wastes of time and decide to go do things together, not bicker about whose hobby is a bigger waste of time.
2) Do not neglect your personal hygiene.
Seriously, just get in the fucking shower.
1) There is no excuse for passing up sex with your significant other in order to play an online game.
Allow me to repeat that.
There is no excuse for passing up sex with your significant other in order to play an online game.
I don't fucking care if your guild is raiding Mandragore's Funereal Spire of Gloom and Foreboding and it's the first time in six months your only level 60 fire summoner has been online or whatever. Man the fuck up and keep your priorities in line. I am literally shocked into silence when women tell me that they've been deprived of sex because of their guy ignoring their advances in favor of fucking mining for imaginary metal or some shit. Or FISHING. WHO THE FUCK PASSES UP SEX FOR IMAGINARY FISHING?! This so goes for female gamers as well. It's common knowledge that the social power shift of sexuality has tilted towards women, and as a result you already pretty much call the shots about when sex is going to occur. If you're not having sex with your boyfriend/husband/whatever because you're too busy gaming, you're one serious bitch.
In summary, what we're talking about here is how you're choosing to reply to a very simple question: Is my game more important than my life? If you're spending hours upon hours each day leveling your character, you're damn right you're neglecting more important aspects of your life. Online gaming is a social activity in only the most abstract mockery of the concept; it is not a replacement for going out and having social experiences. This in itself should be obvious, and if it's not you need to go to the damn museum or something. It is staggeringly obvious that if you're in a relationship, that person should have priority over your gaming habits. I doubt anybody who disagrees would be willing to side with a philatelist who angrily berates his wife for not being more like his stamps, and that's exactly the kind of dynamic we're looking at here. Stop making excuses and go screw your girlfriend, dumbass. |
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