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J. Robert Optimus Prime

[ website | Kinetic :: Chicago's angriest club. ]
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[Apr. 27th, 2016|07:35 pm]


HI. If you add me, please let me know. If I defriend you, it's not necessarily because I dislike you. My friends list slowly goes down as the months plod on. I ain't the internet tough guy I once was.

okay, maybe I am sometimes.
link44 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

rad [Jul. 5th, 2008|01:30 pm]
My social science professor emailed me this morning and asked if he could use my research paper as a model for future classes. I win at science!
link3 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

[Jun. 14th, 2008|04:20 am]
[mood |DUN DUN DUNNNNNN]

SWEEEEEEEET CAROLIIIIIIIIINE
link2 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

Anything you can do, I can do best [Jun. 3rd, 2008|02:23 pm]


I guess this makes up for never finding pictures of me at any events I go to :D
link20 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

[Jun. 3rd, 2008|10:50 am]
Has anyone else noticed that the alien videotape guy looks suspiciously like Nicky the Goth?
linkThe braying of barnyard animals follows.

[May. 30th, 2008|10:31 am]
Dear North American industrial scene,

I know something you don't know! See everyone at Festival Kinetik next year! :D

Signed,
Ain't tellin' XD
link15 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

Promoter ordinance = pwned [May. 13th, 2008|03:45 pm]
Update: Chicago Music Venues Safe for Now

Da Mayor speaks out on the promoter's ordinance

Due to the enormous public outcry, the event promoter ordinance has been shelved until further notice. The vote will NOT be taking place tomorrow; the ordinance will be reexamined and refitted, hopefully to become less ridiculously draconian. Congratulations to everyone who spread the word and pitched in; we've won the battle! Let's hope we win the war!
link5 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

CHICAGO TAKE HEED: The promoter ordinance is back [May. 13th, 2008|10:04 am]
Chicago's bullshit political machine has reared its ugly head once again. The City Council Committee on License and Consumer Protection has voted yea on the dreaded promoter ordinance that we all heard about last year, and it's going to a full vote with the City Council tomorrow. If this passes, we're essentially facing the potential destruction of Chicago's goth/industrial scene. None of the promoters active in the scene can comply with these ridiculous demands, especially a $300,000 insurance policy; furthermore, any of the other scenes you may hang out in are going to suffer the same destructive effects. So unless you want to see your scene effectively become outlawed, this is your chance to put your money where your mouth is and tell the city that you demand a nightlife.

You can sign petitions, call/write alderman/woman and/or show up to the meeting on Wednesday, May 14 at 10AM at City Hall.

Join here with people who want to stop the Chicago Promoters ordinance:

http://www.thepoint.com/campaigns/stop-the-event-promoters-ordinance

Potentially organizing the group going to the City Council meeting that will be held this Wednesday, May 14, 2008 at 10:00 a.m. in the Council Chambers on the 2nd Floor of City Hall, 121 N.

LaSalle Street, Chicago IL 60602

Call your alderman and tell them that the promoters ordinance will kill independent music in Chicago and that's bad for the health of the city and its arts community.

http://www.chicityclerk.com/citycouncil/alderman/find.html

Info on the promoters ordinance can be found on these web sites:

http://chicago-music.org/promoters.php

http://blogs.suntimes.com/derogatis/

Why is the promoters ordinance bad?

The “Event Promoters” ordinance requires any event promoter to have a license from the city of Chicago and liability insurance of $300,000 per event, but that’s just the start:

1) The definition of “event promoter” is so loosely defined it could apply to a band that books its own shows or a theater company that’s in town for a one-week run.

2) “Event Promoter” must be licensed and will pay $500–$2000 depending on expected audience size.

3) To get the license, applicant must be over 21, get fingerprinted, submit to a background check, and jump over several other hurdles.

4) This ordinance seems targeted towards smaller venues, since those with 500+ permanent seats are exempt.

5) Police must be notified at least 7 days in advance of event.

6) Try getting $300,000 in liability insurance as a promoter of an indie show or dance club event. If one can it will be prohibitively expensive and you won't see smaller independent events. Say hello to places like Excalibur.

The sort of events that will be affected:

Here are some examples of the kinds of musical events that might be affected under the proposed “promoter’s ordinance.

• Practically every goth/industrial event, club night and live show in the city, including every single thing that AGP, WTII, Kinetic and all other promoters do. No Nexus 6, no Kinetic, no Sunday Showcase at Darkroom, no Nocturna, no Indoctrination Festival, no live shows. None of us are rich and none of us can afford a $300,000 insurance policy.

• Chicago Acoustic Underground shows at various venues around the city.

• The Chicago Independent Radio Project’s annual Record Fair.

• The International Pop Overthrow Festival at the Abbey Pub, the Elbo Room, Double Door and other local clubs.

• The Tomorrow Never Knows Festival at Schuba’s.

• Small events where the lines between musician and organizer/promoter are blurred.

TAKE ACTION TODAY - Please email or call your alderman or alderwoman and voice your opposition to the Ordinance today! Email or Call your alderman and ask him or her to oppose the Promoter Ordinance. Be polite. Tell him or her you support live music in Chicago, and feel this ordinance would kill many great events. Say you want venues to be safe, but this ordinance goes too far. Place a call to your alderman's office today. This page will help you find your alderman and give you his or her email address and phone number — quick and easy and only takes a couple of minutes.

http://www.chicityclerk.com/citycouncil/alderman/find.html
link3 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

International Matt Is Awesome Day [May. 2nd, 2008|10:07 am]
so tomorrow is my birthday. Fun facts about my birthday:

1) I share a birthday with Constantine III, emperor of the Byzantine Empire, Niccolò Machiavelli, Bing Crosby and Ron Popeil.

2) A bunch of shit happened on May 3rd, such as the incorporation of Washington, DC, the May Uprising of Dresden in 1849, and the birth of geocaching.

3) My birthday is also free comic book day! Hooray!

4) I'll be DJing tomorrow at Neo for my birthday party. My sets are 10pm - midnight and 2am - 3am. Come out and party with me!

THAT IS ALL.
link13 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

And now, your moment of zen. [Apr. 25th, 2008|01:40 pm]
link10 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

YAY NICKY'S BACK [Apr. 15th, 2008|07:50 pm]
OH GOD I MISSED HIM. The single craziest motherfucker I've ever dealt with on the internet is back, and I am having fun. /me slaps you around a bit with a large trout.

http://community.livejournal.com/chicago_gothic/578073.html

http://community.livejournal.com/chicago_gothic/578384.html



Ironically, you can't reply to Nicky on Myspace unless you're his friend, so I'm not sure what the point was. So I reported him for abuse.
link19 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

[Mar. 21st, 2008|01:16 pm]
Strike. :)
link19 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

6 tips for gamers to not get their asses broken up with [Mar. 18th, 2008|01:25 pm]
I've seen many online guffaws and knowing smirks after these two articles were posted, one in response to the other:

Seven Ways to Win Back Your Gaming Spouse

Eight Tips To Save Your Marriage To A Gamer

I know, they're funny. Especially the first one. However, the people laughing are having a hard time grasping a simple logical concept: If people are devoting this much thought to the problem, maybe there really is a problem. Speaking as a reformed MMORPG addict, I can safely say that yeah, guys, you really are probably the problem. So because it's slow at work, I've composed my own little list of pointers. Feel free to add as you see fit.

6) MMORPGs really are sort of retarded.

Oh yeah, I said it. One of the response to the first article was along the lines of, "I've come to the conclusion that MMORPGs are more like drugs than a hobby. You spend all your time pouring overwhelming effort into tedious, repetitive tasks for which you are given miniscule rewards." It's true, people. You could be doing anything else with your life but instead you're sticking your character next to a lake and watching him fish, aren't you? There's a morbid humor to wanting your character to have expert fishing status, I will admit, but remember: You could be doing ANYTHING ELSE.

5) You probably do have a problem. Don't bother denying it.

Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. I used to play WoW and CoH all the time. Then I wouldn't even consider the idea that I had a problem with tearing myself away from the computer, but you know what? I did! I had a terrible problem with it and it almost certainly contributed to the disintegration of my relationship while I was hooked on it. I know how attractive the persecution complex is and how easy it is to shove off the blame on the person doing the complaining. However, floating possibilities like "Maybe it's just you" or "Stop whining" are proper responses to somebody's desperate attempt to make your relationship work is not only just a redirection of blame, it's actually pretty heartless.

Look at it this way: How do you think the other person is going to feel if they're sitting on the couch reading when they'd wanted to, I dunno, have dinner or, god forbid, have sex with you and you're sitting at your computer screaming your lungs out at your monitor? This is a problem with two things: priorities and responsibility. Really consider the possibility that yes, your relationship is in peril because you keep spending all your time chasing gnomes around with axes. There may be some leeway for you if you already were gaming when you got into a new relationship, but no matter what, it's just common sense that if you are in a relationship with someone, they should have some kind of priority.

Murlocs may be cute and make funny noises, but they are not a priority.

4) Under no circumstances are you to allow your significant other to dress up like a game character in order to entice you.

Imagine the kind of shame and emotional trauma that must come along with feeling, out of desperation, that you need to dress up like a night elf in order to have sex with your partner. I'm not talking bedroom roleplaying as a whole, even specifically cosplaying; I think cosplaying is absolutely retarded and can't believe people waste their time and money on trying to simulate imaginary characters on days aside from Halloween, but I also can't believe people think David Lynch is a good director, so there's lots of room for argument. However, if it's not already an established sexual practice for you two, chances are you're putting your partner through a fairly serious identity crisis, whether you encouraged it outright or not. You don't get a pass by saying, "But I never asked him/her to do it, she just did it!" What led up to that point?

Oh yeah. You ignoring him or her in order to play with fantasy elves.

3) Don't pretend what you're doing is important.

Cuz it ain't. Princess Persecuted Gamer made the point that all hobbies are essentially wastes of time, but the way she put it indicated that people who are dating gamers have no right to be pissed off that their relationship is being ruined by a hobby because their hobbies are likewise pointless. The correct thing to do is for both of you to realize that your hobbies are wastes of time and decide to go do things together, not bicker about whose hobby is a bigger waste of time.

2) Do not neglect your personal hygiene.

Seriously, just get in the fucking shower.

1) There is no excuse for passing up sex with your significant other in order to play an online game.

Allow me to repeat that.

There is no excuse for passing up sex with your significant other in order to play an online game.

I don't fucking care if your guild is raiding Mandragore's Funereal Spire of Gloom and Foreboding and it's the first time in six months your only level 60 fire summoner has been online or whatever. Man the fuck up and keep your priorities in line. I am literally shocked into silence when women tell me that they've been deprived of sex because of their guy ignoring their advances in favor of fucking mining for imaginary metal or some shit. Or FISHING. WHO THE FUCK PASSES UP SEX FOR IMAGINARY FISHING?! This so goes for female gamers as well. It's common knowledge that the social power shift of sexuality has tilted towards women, and as a result you already pretty much call the shots about when sex is going to occur. If you're not having sex with your boyfriend/husband/whatever because you're too busy gaming, you're one serious bitch.

In summary, what we're talking about here is how you're choosing to reply to a very simple question: Is my game more important than my life? If you're spending hours upon hours each day leveling your character, you're damn right you're neglecting more important aspects of your life. Online gaming is a social activity in only the most abstract mockery of the concept; it is not a replacement for going out and having social experiences. This in itself should be obvious, and if it's not you need to go to the damn museum or something. It is staggeringly obvious that if you're in a relationship, that person should have priority over your gaming habits. I doubt anybody who disagrees would be willing to side with a philatelist who angrily berates his wife for not being more like his stamps, and that's exactly the kind of dynamic we're looking at here. Stop making excuses and go screw your girlfriend, dumbass.
link28 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

The Washington Post is made of fail [Mar. 3rd, 2008|11:41 am]
We Scream, We Swoon. How Dumb Can We Get?

Articles like this being entered into the editorial section of a newspaper are enough to make me never read that paper again. Before I go into it, let me say now that I am not exactly the world's foremost feminist: I make jokes about "the curse of your irrational gender" to women, but only when the women I'm telling them to are going to know I'm joking around, I view modern feminism as unnervingly trending towards man-bashing out of some secret desire for revenge, and I sigh and shake my head at guys who emasculate themselves to appeal to women.

That said, criminy, is this article a load of horseshit. What kind of self-respecting journalist is going to write an article in which a cornerstone of your argument is the supposed ratio of women to men who watch Grey's Anatomy? I don't know what kind of WASPy freakjobs this lady populates her life with, but I think a vast majority of the women I associate with would rather gag themselves than read chick-lit or listen to Celine Dion. Furthermore, the article provides links to news about Celine Dion, Margaret Thatcher and Oprah Winfrey, yet she doesn't even deign to provide citations to WHAT Johns-Hopkins study finds that women drivers are slightly worse than male drivers, nor the amorphously-cited "amply supported" studies that find that women's brains are smaller than men's (which has nothing to do with cognitive capabilities) or the totally unsupported claim in the article that men are statistically more prone to brilliance or total idiocy.

This isn't just infuriatingly stupid rhetoric, it's also shamefully bad reporting.

Furthermore, who the fuck is this lady? The article gives absolutely no indications of her credentials or why she should be rewarded with an inflammatory editorial in a nationally-distributed paper. For that, the Washington Post is to blame for throwing in a brazenly unprofessional opinion piece, quite clearly because it'd get a rise out of people. Commercial media is not exactly a classy venture, but I'm surprised at how blatantly mercenary they were in this case. if I actually thought uninspired, milquetoast rags like the Post were worth reading, I'd stop right about now.

Quotes like this point to the meat of the article:

I am perfectly willing to admit that I myself am a classic case of female mental deficiencies. I can't add 2 and 2 (well, I can, but then what?). I don't even know how many pairs of shoes I own. I have coasted through life and academia on the basis of an excellent memory and superior verbal skills, two areas where, researchers agree, women consistently outpace men.

So basically, because this woman is a borderline-incompetent moron, she thinks all women are as dumb as her. I guess I shouldn't be surprised by an idiot saying idiotic things, but I can't believe somebody who readily admits she's a fuckwit has the audacity to think that her stupidity is worth spewing at the rest of the world. Considering that the smartest person I personally know is female and that most of the females I know are tremendously intelligent, accomplished people, I can only say that the reason this woman doesn't know any intelligent women is because they think she's an idiot too.

thanks to [info]djnurseallison for pointing this article out. er, thanks, i guess, anyway. :P
link14 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

DEATHKEY [Feb. 14th, 2008|09:15 am]
[Tags|]
[Current Location |DEATHKEY]
[mood |DEATHKEY]
[music |DEATHKEY]



DEATHKEY
link15 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

omfg skoolz [Jan. 15th, 2008|11:09 am]
Holy crap! I went to school last night for the first time in about nine years. I was practically hyperventilating at work all day because I was so nervous, but of course it wasn't a big deal and everything went fine. Mostly.

The results:
I've already written one essay and was shocked and amazed to find that I actually do remember some math from that bygone era called high school! I gained two textbooks and lost $100 to the brutality of the college bookstore. I get to do that again on Wednesday. I also gained a general sense after the first day of lessons that holy shit, I can actually do this, but I lost my damn hat. My head was cold coming home. Pity me :(

anyway, OMG I AM A STUDENT
link12 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

DEATHKEY [Jan. 13th, 2008|02:26 pm]
[Tags|]
[Current Location |DEATHKEY]
[mood |DEATHKEY]
[music |DEATHKEY]

Poll #1120602 DEATHKEY
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

DEATHKEY

View Answers

DEATHKEY
18 (72.0%)

DEATHKEY
18 (72.0%)

DEATHKEY
17 (68.0%)

DEATHKEY
18 (72.0%)

DEATHKEY
17 (68.0%)

link16 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

6AM Eternal [Jan. 1st, 2008|06:10 am]
Happy 2008 to all of you, ya crazy bastards!
linkThe braying of barnyard animals follows.

Vote Me 2008 [Dec. 11th, 2007|11:53 am]
My fellow EarthicansAmericans, it is time once again for our great nation to engage in that age-old pastime of corruption, laughably immature public ad hominems and petty squabbling over smoke-and-mirror issues known as the election of the next President of the United States of America. As the field of toadying lackeys to shadowy unseen powers takes shape, I have decided that it is high time for me to throw my hat into the ring, like a high-explosive grenade tossed into the lair of hungry dingos. Dingoes? I don't know how to spell "dingo" plurally.

My message to you is simple: We are truly, despairingly fucked as a nation. Our kids are borderline retarded, our politicians are mindless jabbering simpletons barely capable of chewing food properly, our economy is being handily beaten by those Red bastards of the frozen northern wastes. We're overworked, underappreciated and have lost all sense of identity in the relentless onslaught of debasing marketing and reality television. Whereas once we had American Gladiators to show us how horrifying and meaningless our national consciousness is, now we can't even come up with our own ideas for lobotomizing ourselves in front of flashing lights, leaving it instead up to suspiciously British people to laugh at us while we sing Livin' La Vida Loca poorly.

In light of this terrible situation, I've decided that the best possible way for me to hasten the inevitable collapse of our culture is to run for President. That's right, I can't even legally win, but I believe in the American Dream: Blackmailing the Supreme Court with pictures of them having sex with sheep until they rule the age restrictions unconstitutional. My message to you, my fellow hopeless bastards, is this: Let's go for broke! Let's show the world what societal decay REALLY looks like!

When I am elected as the next President, I will strive to be the killer of all dreams. I shall be Commodus, Caligula, Ming the Merciless, Emperor Palpatine, the Dark Lord Sauron and Robot Santa rolled into one, multiplied to the tenth power. I shall haunt your nightmares as if a spectre, taunting you and calling you a sissy. Under my iron grip, with my every despicable whim carried out by a Cabinet resembling not so much a group of advisors as a horde of merciless trolls, the country shall collapse into panic and fear, total chaos reverberating from sea to shining sea.

Below you will find my positions on today's hot-button issues. Read them and weep openly, peons!




Economic Policy

Taxation: Taxes will be abolished and the administration of the IRS shall be butchered alive in a terrible spectacle of inhumanity. Why tax people when I intend to use you as slaves?

National Health Care: You miserable worms are lucky to be alive! Health care weakens the physical stock of the country! You will either learn to not become sick or injured or you will be liquidated and fed to pigs.

Social Security: The Social Security Fund shall be plundered and used to buy my cat fancy toys from around the world. Pensioners shall be fed to pigs.

Veterans Affairs: Veterans? What are veterans? If you are forced into the service of my dark and unholy army, you do not leave it until you are dead. Come home with your shield or on it, dogbreath!

Energy, Environment and Climate Change: The blackened sky above the nation emitted from the factories of war shall be all-consuming. The environment is simply another enemy to be mercilessly beaten to death.

Foreign Policy

International Relations: Ultimatums shall be issued to all other countries in the world: Join us or die. Those that do not join us will, predictably, die.

Torture: Will replace baseball as national pastime.

Social Policy

Education: Worms do not need an education. Get back to work!

LGBT Issues: Sex shall be outlawed as a frivolous waste of time. Problem solved. Transgender operations will be offered free of charge under the preceding torture policy.

Drug Policy: All drugs shall be legalized. You'll need something to provide you with some pathetic shred of happiness, you miserable dogs.

Prisons, Crime and Capital Punishment: The law of the land shall be, "What I say goes." The buck stops here, and if you disagree, so does your life. Prisons shall be unnecessary as any infractions result in sudden cranial explosion triggered by mandatory cortex bombs.

Stem Cell Research: Research will be ended in favor of the ruling class rubbing ourselves lewdly with stem cells culled from screaming infants.

Abortion: Fully legalized, with all abortion procedures carried out by special government Happy Fun Naptime Death Squads, who shall enact abortions, whether time-appropriate or retroactive, indiscriminately and mercilessly.

Immigration: I POSSESS YOU ALL. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE. Do not bother trying to come to our borders. Our borders will come to YOU.

Campaign Finance: Elections shall be outlawed, thus solving the problem of campaign finance reform quickly and succinctly. All rival politicians at the time of victory will be destroyed.

Constitutional Policy

The Constitution will be burnt and replaced by the Manifesto of the Iron Grip of Your Dark Master. All constitutional/manifesto complaints shall be handled in the afore-mentioned torture initiative.

Remember: Vote Pathogen! OR DIE.
link14 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

[Nov. 9th, 2007|01:38 pm]


2CD
Tracklisting

01. Welcome to DEATHKEY
02. DEATHKEY
03. The DEATHKEY
04. DEATHKEY
05. DEATHKEYfucker
06. The Fine Art of DEATHKEYing Yourself
07. Rhythm & DEATHKEY
08. DEATHKEYbreaker
09. DEATHKEY
10. Crown of DEATHKEY
11. DEATHKEY Onto Others
12. DEATHKEY
13. DEATHKEY
14. DEATHKEY
15. DEATHKEY Justice
16. DEATHKEY
17. God Of DEATHKEY
18. DEATHKEY

Disc 2 :-
01. DEATHKEY ( Cervello DEATHKEY Remix )
02. DEATHKEY ( CausDEATHKEY Remix )
03. DEATHKEY ( C/A/DEATHKEY Remix )
04. DEATHKEY ( Floppy DEATHKEY Remix )
05. DEATHKEY ( Scrap.eDEATHKEY Remix )
06. DEATHKEY ( DEATHKEYnut Remix )
07. DEATHKEY ( DEATHKEY Shift Remix )
08. No DEATHKEY ( DEATHKEY Theory Remix )
09. No DEATHKEY ( Imperative DEATHKEY Remix )
10. Rhythm & DEATHKEY ( IDEATHKEYscope Remix )
11. Rhythm & DEATHKEY ( EnDEATHKEY Remix )
12. The Fine Art Of DEATHKEYing Yourself ( The DEATHKEY Remix )
13. The Fine Art Of DEATHKEYing Yourself ( Prometheus DEATHKEY Remix )
14. The DEATHKEY ( EdEATHKEY Remix )
15. Welcome To DEATHKEY ( ManuDEATHKEY Remix )
link35 comments|The braying of barnyard animals follows.

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